CLIENT SESSION TRANSCRIPT: DEALING WITH UNAVOIDABLE PEOPLE

Below is a section of a client session (shared with permission).

The client had been experiencing some anxiety around a person in their life they don't have much choice over how often they see.  This can happen with family or work relationships. Even with strong boundaries, there are some people we must interact with on some level if we want to participate in certain areas like work or larger family or friend events.

We started as always with the emotions the client was feeling and what triggers being around this particular person brought up for her. Most sessions include an exploration of what is happening at a sub-conscious as well as conscious level. The client was able to connect with the internal parts of her driving the physical reaction she was experiencing and how that was connected to people from the past. This helped her to shift and re-program some old beliefs and set new boundaries for herself as well as have a new perspective on expectations for those in her life.

Client: I’m having trouble with a person in my life that I have to see regularly. I just feel uncomfortable around them. I wish I could not see them, but it’s not an option at this point. I need a way to deal.

Me: Ok let’s see what’s going on inside. Close your eyes and tell me how it FEELS when you are in the room with them.

Client: I feel a ton of anxiety. Hard to breathe.

Me: Where in your body is the anxiety?

Client: In my chest. It’s throbbing. Tension. Like my body is in fight or flight or something.

Me: Ok. I want you to put your hand on that part of your chest and let the energy just be there without judgement. Feeling it fully. Think for a moment. Is there a time from your past that you felt this exact feeling?

Client: I mean I guess this feels similar to some of my past relationships. I was with guys who would be really hot and cold, like into me one day and then I’m invisible the next. It made me feel worthless. And like I had to work hard to get their attention.

Me: So this feeling reminds you of people who were pretty inconsistent in how they treated you?

Client: Totally inconsistent.

Me: Tell me more about how that felt.

Client: Like I had to win people over, use a lot of energy to keep people interested in me. And really lonely when they shut me out. Like a roller coaster that made me miserable.

Me: And this current person… are you feeling this same inconsistency?

Client: Yes. At first I thought they really liked me they were so nice and then there will be days I think they hate me or really dislike me anyway. I never know what I’m gonna get.

Me: Does it feel like you are bracing in your body around them?

Client: Yup. Bracing. That’s it.

Me: Ok. Let’s ask that feeling of anxiety what it needs from you? What’s the message this part wants you to know?

Client:  Hmmm… it wants me to stop looking for approval outside of me. And especially from people who are not MY people. To have clearer boundaries and protect me better.

Me: Awesome. And if you connect with that Higher Self perspective that can witness all that is happening with you and all the parts what does it want to tell you?

Client: She wants me to know how loved I am unconditionally. She wants me to know she is always with me and will never judge me or ignore me or make me feel worthless. She wants me to come to her when I need it. If I’m struggling she wants me to put my hand on my heart and connect to her to feel all the love she is pouring down all around me.

Me: Beautiful. Let her pour that love and just sit in that comfort for a bit. How is the anxiety or tension feeling now?

Client: It’s wayyy less. It feels like my Higher Self is hugging a younger me and letting her know how much she is loved. All of the time. Younger me didn’t get that consistency from anybody really. No adults. Nobody.

Me: So your Higher Self is telling you that you have access to a consistent love whenever you need it?

Client: Yes. Feels really good but I’m also sad for that little kid who felt so alone.

Me: What if we have the kid a new place to live? Ask where she would like to be? Would she like to live with you here in the present so you can take care of her?

Client: She loves that idea. She wants to be at my house with me. She’s smiling she likes the backyard.

Me: Now that’s she’s with you ask her if she has any burdens she wants to release like unworthiness?

Client: Yes she doesn’t want to feel unlovable and unworthy anymore or like she has to work for attention. It makes her so sad.

Me: Ok let her know she can release those. To fire, wind, water… what does she want?

Client: She wants to have a bonfire and burn it.

Me: Ok. Set that up for her and let her unpack those burdens and burn them in the fire.

Client: Ok she’s done that. Now she’s running around happy.

Me: Good. And ask if there are any beliefs or qualities she wants to download?

Client: She wants to believe she is loved unconditionally by God and me. And also that she deserves it and can receive it.

Me: Ok so we’ll ask “Creator of all that is please download these beliefs now that unconditional love is always available and she is worthy to receive it. Thank you it is done it is done” And then just watching how that energy flows into her.

Client: She likes that. She is accepting it. And running around the fire again playing.

Me: Wonderful…So how are you feeling now about this person in your life that’s been challenging you lately?

Client: (Big exhale) I feel like I don’t have to try and win them over anymore. Or take it personally when they are cold. And if I’m feeling anxious before I see them or when I’m with them I can close my eyes and hold my heart a minute and connect back to that love that is what I really need. And I can let go of the expectation or hope that things could be different and just accept what is. Focus on the people around me that ARE consistent and safe for me.